Oh, come boys and I'll tell you a story
Of a piper who lived long ago
And he played all sorts of music
For friends and relations and foes
At hoolies and weddings and parties
Me lads, he was always the same
For he'd dance and he'd sing
And all sorts of things
Recitations and musical games

We invited him down to the party
He brought his old pipes just by chance
And we asked him to play a bit of a tune
He said: "No, I'll give you a bit of a dance"
So we gave him a naggin' of whiskey
And poured out a bottle of stout
And we cut a great hole in the bag of his pipes
And this is the tune that came out...

Oh, the piper that played before Moses
Was a comical bit of a tout
He'd all sorts of bellows and chanters
And ribbons and pipes hanging out
And when he'd go for to squeeze them
He'd huff and he'd puff and he'd blow
He'd scream and he'd shout
Till the music came out
And away to the races he'd go

We invited him down to the party
He brought his old pipes just by chance
And we asked him to play a bit of a tune
He said: "No, I'll give you a bit of a dance"
So we gave him a naggin' of whiskey
And poured out a bottle of stout
And we cut a great hole in the bag of his pipes
And this is the tune that came out...

He had all sorts of friends and relations
Who travelled from way overseas
With all sorts of grandeur and splendour
You'd nearly get weak at the knees
We cleared back the tables and dressers
When his cousin from Russia came in
On their hunkers they'd dance
They all took a chance
And kicked their heels to begin

We invited him down to the party
He brought his old pipes just by chance
And we asked him to play a bit of a tune
He said: "No, I'll give you a bit of a dance"
So we gave him a naggin' of whiskey
And poured out a bottle of stout
And we cut a great hole in the bag of his pipes
And this is the tune that came out...